a tug from the gut
a loose end tightening, and i know
that act will be performed
tonight is my night, a night of selfish act
lock the door, turn up the volume
hair pulled back, hot water running
i feel the right calf muscle tightening
lights go out, inner voice shuts down,
i hear commands, orders, terms and conditions,
pick a target, something that
will not run out, it stays, turn away and it's still
there,
wrapped, contained, frozen, solid, real, physical,
make no promises but it never leaves
my remedy for the hollow,
a pain that fulfills, shedding no skin or blood
just a natural process
no substance dependence
it's an act
to which my body reacts
after the performance of my night
lovely yet no applause
i'm exhausted like i just came
under the covers, i shiver
a dream i will bury, keep in
a jar of my secret room
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