sometimes i am confused
is it you who i lost
or death to whom i lost?
you left on that pouring summer night, a journey without saying goodbye// incarnation of your free spirit
was it your time
to leave billions of shattered words on the tip of my tongue
missing longing nostalgia// forget about the analysis// understanding, layers of words// to protect, to heal, to overcome// but what, why not just accept// that it is this loneliness pot// that gets watered when we are in each others presence//
my chest feels nourished, my body waters like greased machine, making me roam inside
I remember noting a man's presence by the window, who was neither looking nor finding, but just spending time. being there. I felt comfortable knowing that he wouldn't approach me or invade my space. I was gone for some time, maybe even 30 minutes, I didn't even notice his presence anymore... then I felt like some nice beer, I still had two hours to go (more like kill), so I went to the bar, waiting for my beer... that's when he struck a conversation with me
abrupt suggestion before going to james's studio, not sure but thinkin' maybe half. the jam is kinda weird, I cannot dance. awkward? uncomfortable. sit by the drums, take half yellow. dancing, my walking out often, then seeing him drum again, fotos, orange, listening to joe, walk to the park
walking,
going home, taking another half we talk, get comfortable, i tell him lots of things, my running, his email to remember then the message after, his meeting family, his hand holding, kisses, and shower, another line, touching, talking, nver seeing again? its windy, its cold we are wearing thick jackets, we are walking up
24 nov 20213
i am now looking for those feet
that face, that personality
but instead I find
other women, other bodies
another possibility
i sense you are going through
something,
the past
not present
the past that became the present
i receive the recycled version
the refined, polished,
the conclusion-
no process or dirt, just what's at the exhibit-
..
i don't hold it against you
we are simply
passing each other-
you are a snapshot on the wall
that isn't really there
you tell me to remember
remember
remember
I don't know what that means
I am standing
no longer in a trance
trying to feel, trying to understand
-30 aout 2013
