a thin line of sweetness

"my hangover is a reminder of last night's conversation
and our conclusion of intertwining the limbs"

-me in mid-june

instructions for blogging "Waiting for Myself"

when:   1) when the afternoon's clouds quieten down the winter sun
              2) from 3:30 a.m. to 4:55 a.m.
              3) time is arbitrary

tools needed: 1) a cup of coffee (preferably fresh ground coffee, or from a cafe that gives you
                          good freebies after the fifth or the tenth stamp)
                      2) paper and a pen
                      3) Internet readily available on any device you enjoy touching
                      4) background music (suggestions: Bach's Prelude and Fugue BWV 846 -903
                                                                                 Underworld's Barking (full album)
                                                                                 Tune into my SoundCloud selections)

who : 1) those whose mind is chasing the heart, whose heart is chasing the mind
          2) those who can't quite scratch the itch from the inside
          3) those who struggle to detach but needing to engage

where: 1) a space you want to spend hours, days but can't
            2) close to the core, center of gravity perpendicular to the spine

what: to be continued...

a single note, live single

i run my fingertips on my lips,   let the skin spread, the more sensitive folds
pulsating musical notes              let them hover,   sensation lingers in memory
eyelids heavier than the morning
hands controlling emotions,   under the blanket muscles tense up to the throat,
 forsaken corridors newly found, pull a pillow   rest the head, close the eyes
form ideas into droplets,   let them fall one by one to the floor, seep through bedsheets, whispering
of nothingness       a blank i desire  moan out the silence,   in orchestrated ruptures   it arrives, spreads, digs and wells up the inside

re- (again, back) + gurges, gurgit- (whirlpool)

a tug from the gut
a loose end tightening, and i know
that act will be performed
tonight is my night, a night of selfish act
lock the door, turn up the volume
hair pulled back, hot water running
i feel the right calf muscle tightening

lights go out, inner voice shuts down,
i hear commands, orders, terms and conditions,
pick a target, something that
will not run out, it stays, turn away and it's still
there,
wrapped, contained, frozen, solid, real, physical,
make no promises but it never leaves
my remedy for the hollow,
a pain that fulfills, shedding no skin or blood
just a natural process
no substance dependence

it's an act
to which my body reacts
after the performance of my night
lovely yet no applause
i'm exhausted like i just came
under the covers, i shiver
a dream i will bury, keep in
a jar of my secret room